So, decided to take a working vacation to Hawaii.
I tried a rope swing over water
That I didn't know was mostly for children
That might have wrapped around my middle finger
and really tried hard to keep it when I fell in.
The break was spectacular. The x-ray tech loved my enthusiasm. The surgery and accompanying drugs were the most relaxing part of the trip so far.
I am in many ways truly broken and I seem to make some of the few strides I do in life when I take the time to acknowledge that: to acknowledge the pain and fragmentation that leads me through the stilted decisions of my jagged life.
Seems dramatic, doesn't it? I have so much to be grateful for. I can't even describe it all. From the living members of my family, to the man who loves me, to having a roof over my head most of the time, I am truly blessed. I know I am.
But I am also broken.
It's okay to acknowledge that... and not just acknowledge, but rage, scream, and cry (though I have been able to do only maybe one of these things). A lot of people in our lives would have us believe that our stoicism is our only place of value, but emotions, and certainly the out of control ones, have real strength.
Don't give up your strength for the comfort of people who don't care enough about you to allow you to express your anguish.
